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Advice Ask crocoPuffs: January 27, 2006
The all-Ryan-all-the-time edition.





Question
What are your opinions and views on the new movie "Brokeback Mountain"?

- Ryan, 16, Derby, Kansas



Answer
Ladies and gentlemen, meet Ryan, my most persistent of question askers.

I haven't seen Brokeback Mountain, so I can't comment on the film with any real insight, but I can say this: I expect it to spawn a whole series of imitators, where they take traditional genres and stories and place homosexual characters at the center of them.  Personally, I'll be looking forward to the Gay Astronaut movie, the Gay Vampire movie, the Gay Animated Children's Classic, the Gay World War II movie, the Gay Athlete movie, the Gay Hip-Hop movie, and the Gay Gangster movie.





Question
You wrote, "rock music is way too broad.  Are you talking metal, grunge, 50s-60s rock, hair bands, classic rock, what?"

I'm talking about rock and all of its "sub-genres" or "branches" of it.  Metal, grunge, classic, punk, emo, hard core, alternative metal, underground, rapcore, any of the silly genre names they come up with these days.

- Ryan, 16, Derby, Kansas



Answer
See below.




Question
Have you ever been to: http://www.maddox.xmission.com

He writes articles with "superior criticism", just like you.

Just wondering if you've ever read any of his articles, he's hilarious.

- Ryan, 16, Derby, Kansas



Answer
Yes, I've visited his site from time to time, and I've read a large number of his articles.  He can be pretty funny, and mostly has the right idea about things, but he pales in comparison to my greatness.  I'm just so damn awesome, it's impossible for anyone to compete with me.




Question
Hey I never received an answer over what kind of rock music you like.  Instead of narrowing it down to a certain genre of rock, ie: thrash, metal, hard, punk, underground...etc.

Just name me what rock bands you listen to.

- Ryan, 16, Derby, Kansas



Answer
See below.




Question
What rock bands do you listen to?

- Ryan, 16, Derby, Kansas



Answer
Persistence pays off, people.  Let this be a lesson to you.  Never let something go, no matter how much badgering you do, no matter how little progress you make after months of trying, never let that stop you from achieving your goals.

In loosely chronological order, here are some kick-ass bands.  But as I stated before not every album from these bands is necessarily kick-ass.

The Beatles
Beach Boys
The Doors
Led Zeppelin
Creedence Clearwater Revival
Pink Floyd
Queen
AC/DC
The Eagles
The Police
Fleetwood Mac
Metallica
Guns N Roses
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Nirvana
Korn
Limp Bizkit

There are dozens more bands that I like and listen to, but that's a damn fine list, and those are probably the ones I like best, the important ones.  I'm betting the most controversial choice on that list is Limp Bizkit.  I'm very aware of the Bizkit-backlash, but fuck all that.  They produced a couple really good albums.  I'm sure MikeMike will be surprised at the absence of Meatloaf from that list.  Well, fuck you Mike, I had the CD at work ONE TIME, and you gotta make a federal case out of it.  Elvis, Aerosmith, and Green Day are rockers I'm on the fence with.  I sometimes really like them, and other times feel sick of them.  And you may notice that my list stops around 2001 or so, that's because all these new "rock" bands suck ass, they all sound the same.  And here are some bands I would never, ever, consider to be great.  They maybe have a couple good songs, but are grossly, vastly, overrated.

The Rolling Stones
Bruce Springsteen
Van Halen
U2
Pearl Jam
Foo Fighters
The White Stripes
Coldplay

Full disclosure: Rock is not my favorite genre of music, that would be Rap.  And for those keeping track, Country is my least favorite.


 

- crocoPuffs

     
 
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