crocoPuffs Blog

A new crocoBaby!

2008-03-08T05:28:10Z

There is a new crocoBaby in the house! You shall all rejoice! It's a boy, so I now have a complete set of the various genders that babies come in. New crocoBaby is more awesome than you, so don't email him with any questions or complaints unless you want to get smacked down by a newborn. New crocoBaby is not as awesome as me. I will put him in his place if he tries to take over this site. That is all.

Christina Aguilera's boobs

2008-02-27T08:24:00Z

Christina Aguilera appeared on Ellen DeGeneres's show and dressed to impress. Here she is with her giant jugs for all to enjoy. The first 80 seconds is all you need to see ...

Wow. I mean, just ... wow.

2008-02-08T05:35:12Z

Evangelist Chuck Missler Disproves Evolution With Jar Of Peanut Butter. What else can you say? I think that headline says it all. Click the link to see the video.

Worst Television Commercial of 2008

2008-02-04T10:18:53Z

Every year, the Super Bowl airs more new commercials per hour than any other show during the year. And every year, at least half of those commercials suck ass. These are the ones that sucked the most. Read entire article.

Super Bowl Notes

2008-02-04T07:49:13Z

National Football League notes, Super Bowl edition. 1) I'm really happy for the New York Giants. I lived in New York for 6 years and had plenty of friends who were Giants fans. I watched Scott Norwood miss that field goal and cheered along with them. I'm something of a closeted Giants fan in that way. So while I won't claim to have known all along they could win, I am thrilled they pulled it off. 2) It doesn't hurt my feelings to see Bill Belichick lose the Super Bowl, and not get the perfect 19-0 undefeated season. It's very difficult to like that guy unless you're a Patriots fan. 3) Jordin Sparks looked genuinely nervous before singing the national anthem. She ended up singing a very gentle and nice version of the song. She did a good job. 4) The first quarter was very interesting in that each team had only one possession of the ball, both drives were clockeating monsters. The two possessions produced the only scoring in the game until the 4th quarter. Imagine if that had lasted the entire game. Four possessions for each team? 5) If you tuned in to the game at the beginning of the fourth quarter, you didn't miss much. The Giants opened the 4th by coming alive on offense and firing the ball downfield on a quick drive that resulted in a touchdown. Then the teams swapped leads a couple times before the game ended. 6) Nowhere near enough cheerleaders shown during this game. Actually, there were NO cheerleaders shown during this game. The only times I saw cheerleaders were in the background and in one slo-mo replay of a player running on the sideline. Where were the cheerleaders!? I thought this was FOX for crying out loud! They can't fit 4-5 cheerleader shots into a 4-hour game? Pathetic. 7) I'm having a difficult time accepting Randy Moss as one of the best NFL receivers of all time. I haven't forgotten his slacking off in Oakland, he's been absent in the playoffs this year, and was absent again in the Super Bowl until the fourth quarter. He had a total of seven catches in 3 post-season games. Seven. Could you imagine Jerry Rice or Michael Irvin or Marvin Harrison averaging 2.3 catches per game in a postseason, and catching zero balls in the first half of the Super Bowl? Moss has great talent, but does he have great hunger? Does he have the eye of the tiger? 8) The officiating in NFL games is always worth mentioning. Here's what I saw in the Super Bowl. Amani Toomer should have been called for pushing off on the defender on that amazing sideline catch he made. The fumble, when Eli was handing off to his running back, was recovered by the Patriots and stolen by the Giants in the ensuing pileup. Should have been New England's ball. And the officials missed a 12 men on the field call, but Belichick didn't. He challenged the play and won. 9) It's time for me to apologize to Eli Manning. Earlier this year I wrote, "He can make enough great plays to keep hope alive, but you know in your gut that every snap is a potential disaster." Let's face it, he played great throughout the playoffs and in the Super Bowl. He won the Super Bowl. I don't know what happened to turn his season around, but ... hmmm ... it's probably because he was reading my blog and got his ass in gear! I don't need to apologize to him. He should be THANKING me for saving his season! Eli wasn't the MVP of the game, by the way. For my money it must be a Giants defender. I'll go with Justin Tuck who had 5 tackles, 2 sacks, and a forced fumble. 10) Super Bowl commercials are a traditional source of Monday morning water-cooler discussion. Lucky for you, I've revived my "Worst Commercial of the Year" series, so you'll be able to tell your co-workers with authority what the worst commercial this year is. Bonus! New Orleans Saints notes! 1) Holy Crap! Only 6 months until training camp! Geaux Saints! 2) Looks like the Saints will be playing a "home" game next year in London against the San Diego Chargers. As long as I get the game on DirecTV's NFL package, I'm fine with it. 3) The Saints are somewhere around $30 million under the salary cap and have the #10 pick in this year's draft. Sounds like a good situation to me.

Bouncing Breasts, What a Breakthrough!

2008-02-03T21:13:26Z

The video game "Second Life" now has a storefront where you can purchase bouncing-and-swaying-capable breasts for your in-game character. Sounds like a win-win situation to me! Perhaps they could work on more realistic hair next. What the fuck is that orangutan on her head!? (thanks to Games Digest for the story)

U.S. Army is getting dumber

2008-01-29T06:46:34Z

The Army has lowered its standards (again) for allowable candidates. Pretty scary ... no wonder we can't "win" the war in Iraq. Fred Kaplan over at Slate says - and I completely agree - this is a big problem in at least four ways: 1) "It's not a good idea." 2) "High-school dropouts tend to drop out of the military, too." 3) "A dumber army is a weaker army." 4) "Today's Army needs particularly bright soldiers - and it needs, even more, to weed out particularly dim ones."

Cloverfield

2008-01-20T19:44:29Z

Brilliant marketing campaign; middling monster movie. Fans of Cloverfield, I can hear you now. You think my inner child is dead, that I'm one of those uptight squares or too-cool-for-schools that doesn't know how to simply enjoy a good time at the movies. I assure you my inner child is alive and kicking ... Read entire Review

The Dark Knight trailer - Mashup

2008-01-18T18:37:16Z

Awesome remix of the recent Dark Knight trailer.

Brett Favre steroids speculation

2007-12-29T21:42:41Z

Brett Favre's having an amazing season in the twilight of his career. His statistics rival the best of his career. It is a late-career resurgence that matches only those displayed by the likes of ... Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens. Here are Favre's numbers from the last 2 years compared to this year. This year he's completing 66% of his passes, which is the best of his career. Prior 2 years: 56% and 61%. Yards per pass attempt this year: 7.7, again the best of his career. Prior 2 years: 6.3 and 6.4. Touchdowns: 26 so far this year. Last 2 years: 18 and 20. Interceptions: 15 so far this year. Last 2 years: 18 and 29. This year's quarterback rating is 94.1, the third best of his career. Last 2 years, 72.7 and 70.9. While Brett Favre is the darling of the NFL, the cuddly bear, the beloved MVP, the good 'ol boy; he also has a history of abuse with painkillers. He beat that problem, but does his past add suspicion to his current level of play? This type of speculation is the crime and legacy of the steroid-cheaters. They've cast a long shadow on every other player who accomplishes great things. After all, if the top statistics were accomplished by really good players bolstered by drugs, how can we believe that future top players can beat the drug-enhanced stats with natural ability? If the steroid-using players think they're not hurting anyone other than themselves, they're wrong. The people they hurt are the future (and present) players who accomplish great things on their natural ability. Thanks to the steroid-users I have no choice but to look at Brett Favre this year and wonder about his incredible production. Where does that leave a guy like Devin Hester? He's been doing things on the football field the last two years that no player has ever come close to. What am I to make of that? Does he need to be under suspicion too? What about LaDainian Tomlinson's touchdown record from last year? Or Shawn Alexander's record from a few years back? Everything is in doubt thanks to the cheaters. Guys like Favre, Tomlinson, Hester, and any future players who set the world on fire should be absolutely pissed at guys like Bonds, Clemens, Jose Canseco, Sammy Sosa, and Mark McGwire. It doesn't' even matter that I'm comparing baseball players to football players. Every sport has steroid users, and there's no way to know who is who or which is which, so I'm forced to assume it could be anybody and everybody.

Psycho Potato

2007-11-24T08:18:01Z

I demand more scenes re-enacted by potatoes! Let's start with some of the fight scenes from Fight Club or any of the Rocky movies.

NFL Week 11 Notes

2007-11-21T07:35:40Z

Week 11 notes on the National Football League 1) Outcomes that surprised me: Pittsburgh Steelers lost to the New York Jets. That is all. 2) That kick by Phil Dawson which bounced off the support bar was clearly a good kick (watch it here). I told crocoWife right away that the refs botched the call. Good thing they fixed their own mistake, or the uproar would have been tremendous. I liken that Dawson FG to a touchdown where the ball just barely crosses the goal line and then the defense pushes the player back to the one yard line. It doesn't matter. Once the ball crosses the goal line, even for a millisecond, the TD is good, you can't erase it. Same thing for the field goal. In basketball, when the ball goes through the net and bounces back up through it, does that negate the hoop? No way. In baseball, when a fan throws a homerun ball back onto the field, does the batter only get a triple? Not a chance. 3) How embarrassing is it that half the Ravens team, including Brian Billick, were in the locker room before the call was decided on the Dawson FG and had to be summoned back to the field? The kick was clearly controversial, the refs were clearly huddling, the game was clearly not quite over, even if to allow the refs to explain why they were huddling. That's just putting your head in the sand and wishing it to go away. 4) Current Top 5: New England Patriots, New England Patriots, New England Patriots, New England Patriots, and New England Patriots. At this moment there is no competition for the Patriots so there's no point in mentioning any other teams. I have an interesting internal debate going on, where part of me wants to see them go 19-0 and sail into the history books, while another part of me wants to see someone beat them. Not just beat them, demolish them. 5) Karma is a bitch, ain't it Shanahan? The whole call-a-timeout-one-split-second-before-the-play-is-snapped routine was popularized by Shanahan this year, and in the Denver Broncos Monday night game against the Tennessee Titans, it backfired twice. The first time allowed the Titans a second chance at a field goal they missed (which they converted on the second try). The second time allowed Jeff Fischer to challenge a play which ultimately resulted in a touchdown for the Titans. Sure, the Broncos won the game, but you just know Shanahan is second-guessing that strategy now. 6) Everybody named Brandon in the Monday night game scored a touchdown. Literally. Every player named Brandon on the Broncos and Titans notched a TD. Brandon Marshall, Brandon Stokley, and Brandon Jones all reached the end zone. 7) Brett Favre watch: another game, another win. Grandpa beat up the Carolina Panthers this week (which helps the Saints at least a little bit). Packers are 9-1 and continue to look impressive. Their game on Nov, 29 in Dallas should be a good one. 8) I saw Mike McKenzie jawing at Jason David on the sidelines after David got burned on an Andre Johnson touchdown. That was a rare glimpse at McKenzie's leadership abilities. Maybe he is a leader on that Saints defense after all. 9) Fantasy tip: If your team is .500 or worse, it's time to start throwing games so you can get a better draft position next year. 10) Favre's terrific season is securing his place in the Hall of Fame. Not only is he breaking records, but he's doing it at age 38. Everyone will remember how well he played this year, regardless of how the season ends up for the Packers. Bonus! New Orleans Saints notes! 1) Holy crap! The Saints lost to the Texans. There's not much more to say. It sucks. 2) Saints stat of the week: 52. Length of the field goal Olindo Mare kicked in the first quarter. 3) I figure the Saints plan this year is to go 0-4, 4-0, 0-4, and 4-0 to finish 8-8. Because if that's *not* their plan, then I don't know what the hell their plan *is*.

100 Scariest Movie Scenes

2007-11-19T04:10:20Z

Sure, Halloween was weeks ago, but it's never the wrong time to think about scary movies, so here is retroCRUSH's 100 Scariest Movie Scenes. In particular, I agree 100% with: #97 - Frankenstein #96 - Blue Velvet #93 - Creepshow #89 - The Blair Witch Project #72 - Poltergeist II #64 - Poltergeist #62 - When a Stranger Calls #52 - The Ring #51 - Jaws #50 - An American Werewolf in London (this scene should be much higher than 50) #34 - The Ring #23 - A Nightmare on Elm Street #20 - Jaws #17 - Misery #11 - Psycho #9 - The Exorcist III (Maybe the scariest scene ever) #4 - Alien

NFL Week 10 Notes

2007-11-14T07:22:49Z

Week 10 notes on the National Football League 1) Outcomes that surprised me: St. Louis Rams beat the New Orleans Saints. Arizona Cardinals over the Detroit Lions. 2) Ben Roethlisberger is my favorite NFL quarterback. If I was starting a team today I would pick Ben to run my offense. No disrespect to Manning, Brady, Brees, Romo, or Palmer, all great quarterbacks, but Roethlisberger would be my guy. He's a charismatic leader with a little bit of the outlaw in him. I get the feeling that no matter what the situation he'll find a way to get his team through it. Sunday's heroics against Cleveland, and last Monday's monster of a game have made a lot of people re-evaluate what they thought of him. 3) While on the subject, if I was starting a team today ... I'd go with Joseph Addai as my running back. 4) Current Top 5: New England Patriots, Indianapolis Colts, Dallas Cowboys, Pittsburgh Steelers, Green Bay Packers, and New York Giants. The tradition I started two weeks ago continues ... my top 5 contains 6 teams. 5) In the San Diego/Indianapolis game, the Chargers were so hyped up in the first quarter I wondered aloud if they would be able to sustain such a high emotional state through the whole game. Intuitively, they could not. And they did not. They did get very lucky, however, with Vinatieri's bad night. 6) Eli Manning does not inspire confidence. Watching him, I do not get the feeling he can handle any situation and get his team through it. No, he makes dumb mistakes (delay of game penalties), and throws interceptions and near-interceptions at the worst times, He looks like a guy who has been given every opportunity and somehow managed to not capitalize. The total opposite of Ben Roethlisberger. Eli reminds me of Aaron Brooks. He can make enough great plays to keep hope alive, but you know in your gut that every snap is a potential disaster. 7) Brett Favre watch: another game, another win, another record. Grandpa sucker-punched the Minnesota Vikings, and became the second player in NFL history in pass for 60,000 yards. Packers are 8-1 with a lock on the NFC North. 8) Tony Dungy, calm down. Your team was flagged for "simulating a snap", not for a "false start". Everybody who witnessed the event knew that you were purposely trying to draw San Diego offsides by giving the impression the ball was snapped. Was it technically within the rules? Maybe. But in calling that play, you had to know there was a chance it would get flagged. You are usually so unflappable, I'm surprised to see you respond like that. On the other hand, you did the right thing by apologizing to the team for wasting that timeout you took in order to argue with the refs. 9) Fantasy tip: If you are in a keeper league and it doesn't look like you're going all the way this year, seek out the owner of Adrian Peterson and offer your #1 stud in trade. Thanks to Peterson's injury, you might be able to convince the owner to give him up. Particularly if the owner was relying on Peterson and still has a good chance to win this year. 10) I'm going to reverse my position on Reggie Bush's physicality. I was listening to an Eric Dickerson interview where he was saying how lucky he is to have no serious long-term effects from his NFL playing days. Guys like Earl Campbell can barely walk, and many more retired veterans have serious disabilities due to playing in the hard-nosed league. If Reggie Bush wants to step out of bounds instead of taking an extra hit, or fall down when he clearly sees he has no more room to run, I'm not going to begrudge him that right. While it doesn't look very manly during the game, I'd rather see him walking under his own power in 20 years than gaining an extra yard in a regular season game. However, come playoffs, I expect every player to leave body parts on the field. Bonus! New Orleans Saints notes! 1) Holy crap! The Saints granted the Rams their first win of the season. If you know the Saints, then you knew in the first quarter they were going to lose that game. They opened the game well, with their first drive going for a touchdown, then they shifted into cruise control and got what they deserved. Brees was throwing interceptions, nothing worked on offense, and not much more on defense. The 4th quarter comeback was too little too late. 2) Saints stat of the week: 3. Number of bottles of champagne I imagine Jim Haslett drank after getting revenge on his former team. 3) I swear, it's as if this Saints team is always prepared to believe their own press. As soon as the media gives them the slightest praise, they show up on gameday unfocused and low-energy. There are no weeks off in the NFL. You can lose to a 7-1 team and you can lose to a 0-8 team. If you are not prepared and not focused, you will lose. There are no weeks off in the NFL. It is very much on the coaching staff to have the team prepared to play. A 4-4 team cannot expect to win simply by showing up for the game, and that's what looked like happened on Sunday.

NFL Week 9 Notes

2007-11-09T01:56:04Z

Week 9 notes on the National Football League 1) Outcomes that surprised me: Detroit Lions killed the Denver Broncos. San Diego Chargers lost to the Minnesota Adrian Petersons. 2) What the hell happened to the Chargers? They couldn't stop one guy? ONE GUY?! I mean, was the Vikings' passing game so scary that the Chargers defense couldn't concentrate on the running back? Were they playing dime packages out there or something? Pathetic. 3) Mike McKenzie intercepted a pass and returned it for a TD against the Jaguars. Great play. As a fan, McKenzie is a mystery. Is he a leader on the Saints defense, or just a player? There's something about him that is likable, people want him to do well. And when he makes a big play like that, he seems like one of the best cornerbacks in the NFL. But I've also seen him make his fair share of mistakes. Blown coverages, dropped interceptions, poor tackles, the usual stuff that afflicts DBs. I can see his skills, I wish he utilized them more often, I wish he would get more interceptions in the course of a season. 4) Current Top 5: New England Patriots, Indianapolis Colts, Dallas Cowboys, Pittsburgh Steelers, New Orleans Saints, and New York Giants. The tradition I started last week continues ... my top 5 contains 6 teams. That's how I roll. 5) If the Patriots go 19-0 this year, there will be no asterisk next to the accomplishment. I don't care what that old man Don Shula says. Spygate is not anything the same as Barry Bonds juicing up to grab the all-time home run record. The patriots were caught cheating, recording the signals of opposing team's coaches, and were punished. It's not like the entire Patriots team took a daily regimen of steroids. 6) Did you know that Ben Roethlisberger has thrown 20 TDs in 208 pass attempts and 137 completed passes? That's a touchdown for every 10 pass attempts or every 7 completions. The prolific Tom Brady throws a TD every 9 attempts or every 7 completions. Tony Romo throws a TD every 14 attempts or 9 completions. Payton Manning throws one every 19 attempts or 12 completions. Did you know Roethlisberger had been playing that efficiently? I did. He's my starting fantasy QB. 7) Brett Favre watch: another game, another win. Grandpa squeaked one out on Kansas City. Now they are 7-1. Can they keep this up? Let's take a look at their upcoming schedule: Minnesota, Carolina, Detroit, Dallas, Oakland, St. Louis, Chicago, and Detroit. They'll lose 2 of those games, maybe 3, which would give them a record of 12-4. Yup, looks like they can keep it up. 8) Isn't the Chargers defense supposed to be, you know, good? There is only one player on Minnesota's offense that needs to be accounted for, Adrian Peterson, who ran wild and unchecked by San Diego. Peterson is either the best player in the league, or Norv Turner is continuing to cast his spell of bad luck on the teams he coaches. Or maybe both. 9) Fantasy tip: You should be starting all your Saints. Drew Brees, Reggie Bush, Marques Colston, David Patten, and Saints Defense. Stay away from Olindo Mare. He sucks balls. 10) There are so many games that I just don't care about lately. Last week there was Buffalo/Cincinatti, San Francisco/Atlanta, and Houston/Oakland. Could those games be any less relevant to the NFL? I don't think so. This week has Buffalo/Miami, Denver/Kansas City, Chicago/Oakland, and Cincinatti/Baltimore. Yawn. Bonus! New Orleans Saints notes! 1) Holy crap! The Saints are on a 4-game winning streak, and are only a half game out of first place in their division. On Inside the NFL last night, Dan Marino guaranteed the Saints would make the playoffs and play in the NFC championship game. Dan is correct. 2) Saints stat of the week: 7. Your New Orleans Saints have not allowed 100 yards rushing to any of their last 7 opponents. 3) The Saints easy schedule in the season's second half will propel them into the playoffs, but it won't do them any favors in terms of getting prepared to play in the playoffs. If they have to play Dallas or Green Bay in the playoffs, are they going to be prepared for it? After playing St. Louis, Houston, Carolina, Tampa, Atlanta, Arizona, Philadelphia, and Chicago, will they have been tested? Will they have the mettle to make it through the playoffs? Perhaps overcoming an 0-4 start is all the challenge they need for one year, just the same, I won't be feeling very smug when they head into the playoffs.