I've provided commentary below this video, which you should read while viewing, for full comedic effect (may be NSFW, it's borderline).
Wow! Look at her huge ... book! She must really love to read. What is that? War and Peace? She reads such large books, she must be some kind of academic. A college student, perhaps? She's really into that book ... something about the way she reads makes me unable to look away. Fascinating.
Ooohhh, she licks her finger when turning pages. She's a pro! She must be a librarian or something. Now she's a little uncomfortable, she's shifting around and opening her legs, now she's touching her leg. I wonder if she has a bugbite on her leg that is making her so uncomfortable. Oh, now I see ... she's getting sleepy. She's turned onto her back a little and raised her arm above her head, the classic getting-ready-to-sleep pose. Jesus! I just noticed how large her breasts are! Those things are gigantic!
Okay, she's sitting up now. She's ready to read again, I think. Oh, but first she needs to brush something off her boob. Damn! That is one huge boob. Uh, do you think she realizes her breast is about to fall out of her top? Phew! Yes, she did notice, she's adjusting her shirt now. Err, well, maybe not. She seems to be just feeling the fabric of her shirt. That's weird.
I wonder if she's ever going to get back to reading that book? Hey, why is she looking at me like that? If I didn't know better, I'd say she wants to bang me. Wait a second, I don't think she's a librarian at all. And now ... good lord! Now what's happening? The book seems to have some kind of magnetic pull on her tits! They're swaying back and forth, fighting against the book's gravitational forces. She's looking at me again. I think she needs help. Her eyes are pleading with me to help her breasts stop swinging! I'm on my way, young lady! I will save you! What!?! Oh crap, the video ended. Now I'll never know what happened. How will i save her? Hmmm ... I guess I'll have to watch it over and over to find clues that will help me solve this mystery.
Thanks in no small part to my blog entry last week the O.J. Simpson book and television special have been canceled. Chalk this up as another win for me, I'm influencing your lives daily!
The only thing I want to hear from O.J. Simpson for the rest of my life is when he announces he's willing to waive his double jeopardy risk and agree to be tried again for the crimes he committed allegedly committed.
For the full story on the book and TV show cancellation, go to the news site of your choice. If you can't think of one, or are too lazy to type, then just click here.
I'd already heard that O.J. Simpson was writing a book about how he "hypothetically would have" killed his ex-wife and her friend, maybe you had too. But the story blew up today with the announcement that there will also be a television interview airing on FOX as publicity for the book.
Let me understand this. He's going to explain how he "would have" committed the murders IF it were he who did it? This is insane! Imagine if Scott Peterson had been found innocent, and the next day he said, "I didn't do it, but here's how I WOULD HAVE done it"? It's ridiculous! More to the point, can you imagine an innocent man who loved his wife very much, whose wife was murdered, and the husband had absolutely nothing to do with it, come out and say "here's how I WOULD HAVE done it." Such a thought never crosses the mind of an innocent man.
I think it's beyond debate at this point that he murdered two people, got away with it, and is now profiting monetarily from it. All I can ask is that nobody buy his book or watch the TV interview. I don't care how badly you want to know the "truth" (which we already know anyway). I don't care how badly you want to hear him admit it. Don't watch the damn show, and don't buy the damn book!
It's time for us to blame ourselves for this nonsense. To blame our culture for letting it go on so long. For still being interested. For laughing at the jokes on late-night television. It's all on us. If we had paid no attention to this in the first place, it wouldn't be the phenomenon that it is.
So, anywho ... any word on finding the "real killers" yet? I don't mean to be trite. I seriously would like to know if ANY person at ANY time has EVER been seriously considered as a possible suspect. No? Not one person, you say? Ever? Shocker.
Last month I read Augusten Burroughs's Running With Scissors on the recommendation of crocoWife who read it on the recommendation of a friend. This book is insane. For starters, his mother used to eat candle wax and bathe in broken glass. It's his memoir spanning roughly from ages 9 to 17 and it's a fast read, sometimes hilarious and always entertaining in it's "I-can't-fucking-believe-this-is-real" prose. You can buy the book here.
Turns out, a movie is being made based on this book. If they do it right, it could be the shiznit. And I like the cast they've put together: Annette Bening, Brian Cox, Gwyneth Paltrow, Alec Baldwin. You can check out the film's details here.
When I was a kid, I read books about the Berenstein Bears. Some time in the last 20 years, they were changed to the Berenstain Bears. Stein, Stain. What, bears can't be Jewish?
And tonight, ABC ran the Charlie Brown Valentine special. Not "Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown", from 1975 which we all watched for years, but "A Charlie Brown Valentine" from 2002. What the hell was wrong with the original? All the voice work is WAY wrong in the 2002 version. They barely sound like the same characters from all those great 1970s cartoons, Lucy in particular sounds nothing like she should.
So what's with all the changes? I can understand changes if something became offensive as time passed, but c'mon ... BerenSTAIN Bears? What the fuck.
