Christina Aguilera appeared on Ellen DeGeneres's show and dressed to impress. Here she is with her giant jugs for all to enjoy. The first 80 seconds is all you need to see ...
Every year, the Super Bowl airs more new commercials per hour than any other show during the year. And every year, at least half of those commercials suck ass. These are the ones that sucked the most. Read entire article.
National Football League notes, Super Bowl edition.
1) I'm really happy for the New York Giants. I lived in New York for 6 years and had plenty of friends who were Giants fans. I watched Scott Norwood miss that field goal and cheered along with them. I'm something of a closeted Giants fan in that way. So while I won't claim to have known all along they could win, I am thrilled they pulled it off.
2) It doesn't hurt my feelings to see Bill Belichick lose the Super Bowl, and not get the perfect 19-0 undefeated season. It's very difficult to like that guy unless you're a Patriots fan.
3) Jordin Sparks looked genuinely nervous before singing the national anthem. She ended up singing a very gentle and nice version of the song. She did a good job.
4) The first quarter was very interesting in that each team had only one possession of the ball, both drives were clockeating monsters. The two possessions produced the only scoring in the game until the 4th quarter. Imagine if that had lasted the entire game. Four possessions for each team?
5) If you tuned in to the game at the beginning of the fourth quarter, you didn't miss much. The Giants opened the 4th by coming alive on offense and firing the ball downfield on a quick drive that resulted in a touchdown. Then the teams swapped leads a couple times before the game ended.
6) Nowhere near enough cheerleaders shown during this game. Actually, there were NO cheerleaders shown during this game. The only times I saw cheerleaders were in the background and in one slo-mo replay of a player running on the sideline. Where were the cheerleaders!? I thought this was FOX for crying out loud! They can't fit 4-5 cheerleader shots into a 4-hour game? Pathetic.
7) I'm having a difficult time accepting Randy Moss as one of the best NFL receivers of all time. I haven't forgotten his slacking off in Oakland, he's been absent in the playoffs this year, and was absent again in the Super Bowl until the fourth quarter. He had a total of seven catches in 3 post-season games. Seven. Could you imagine Jerry Rice or Michael Irvin or Marvin Harrison averaging 2.3 catches per game in a postseason, and catching zero balls in the first half of the Super Bowl? Moss has great talent, but does he have great hunger? Does he have the eye of the tiger?
8) The officiating in NFL games is always worth mentioning. Here's what I saw in the Super Bowl. Amani Toomer should have been called for pushing off on the defender on that amazing sideline catch he made. The fumble, when Eli was handing off to his running back, was recovered by the Patriots and stolen by the Giants in the ensuing pileup. Should have been New England's ball. And the officials missed a 12 men on the field call, but Belichick didn't. He challenged the play and won.
9) It's time for me to apologize to Eli Manning. Earlier this year I wrote, "He can make enough great plays to keep hope alive, but you know in your gut that every snap is a potential disaster." Let's face it, he played great throughout the playoffs and in the Super Bowl. He won the Super Bowl. I don't know what happened to turn his season around, but ... hmmm ... it's probably because he was reading my blog and got his ass in gear! I don't need to apologize to him. He should be THANKING me for saving his season! Eli wasn't the MVP of the game, by the way. For my money it must be a Giants defender. I'll go with Justin Tuck who had 5 tackles, 2 sacks, and a forced fumble.
10) Super Bowl commercials are a traditional source of Monday morning water-cooler discussion. Lucky for you, I've revived my "Worst Commercial of the Year" series, so you'll be able to tell your co-workers with authority what the worst commercial this year is.
Bonus! New Orleans Saints notes!
1) Holy Crap! Only 6 months until training camp! Geaux Saints!
2) Looks like the Saints will be playing a "home" game next year in London against the San Diego Chargers. As long as I get the game on DirecTV's NFL package, I'm fine with it.
3) The Saints are somewhere around $30 million under the salary cap and have the #10 pick in this year's draft. Sounds like a good situation to me.
I love a good heated, passionate debate. I wish there would be more of this on television. I wish this is how political debates went down. Imagine a real throwdown between the next presidential candidates. Sweet.
Thanks in no small part to my blog entry last week the O.J. Simpson book and television special have been canceled. Chalk this up as another win for me, I'm influencing your lives daily!
The only thing I want to hear from O.J. Simpson for the rest of my life is when he announces he's willing to waive his double jeopardy risk and agree to be tried again for the crimes he committed allegedly committed.
For the full story on the book and TV show cancellation, go to the news site of your choice. If you can't think of one, or are too lazy to type, then just click here.
I'd already heard that O.J. Simpson was writing a book about how he "hypothetically would have" killed his ex-wife and her friend, maybe you had too. But the story blew up today with the announcement that there will also be a television interview airing on FOX as publicity for the book.
Let me understand this. He's going to explain how he "would have" committed the murders IF it were he who did it? This is insane! Imagine if Scott Peterson had been found innocent, and the next day he said, "I didn't do it, but here's how I WOULD HAVE done it"? It's ridiculous! More to the point, can you imagine an innocent man who loved his wife very much, whose wife was murdered, and the husband had absolutely nothing to do with it, come out and say "here's how I WOULD HAVE done it." Such a thought never crosses the mind of an innocent man.
I think it's beyond debate at this point that he murdered two people, got away with it, and is now profiting monetarily from it. All I can ask is that nobody buy his book or watch the TV interview. I don't care how badly you want to know the "truth" (which we already know anyway). I don't care how badly you want to hear him admit it. Don't watch the damn show, and don't buy the damn book!
It's time for us to blame ourselves for this nonsense. To blame our culture for letting it go on so long. For still being interested. For laughing at the jokes on late-night television. It's all on us. If we had paid no attention to this in the first place, it wouldn't be the phenomenon that it is.
So, anywho ... any word on finding the "real killers" yet? I don't mean to be trite. I seriously would like to know if ANY person at ANY time has EVER been seriously considered as a possible suspect. No? Not one person, you say? Ever? Shocker.
NBC has been employing a new technique with their show Las Vegas. At the halfway point of an episode, they recap what happened in the first 30 minutes. Presumably to encourage viewers to stick around who may have flipped over after watching a 30-minute show somewhere else.
I think it's a good strategy. Except for when the recap reveals things that did not happen yet! Which is exactly what happened on the 11/10/06 episode. The recap showed things that were coming up in the second half of the show, but presented them as if they had already happened. Rookie move.
I don't know if NBC is using this same recap segment on other shows besides Las Vegas, but if they are, I can only hope they're getting it right on those shows instead of proving themselves to be three monkeys fucking a football.
I won't be the first or the last person to post this today. Apparently Faith Hill believes she is a far superior vocalist to Carrie Underwood, and displays her disgust in this video.
The best part is the way she raises her arms right after the name is called, but just before she realizes it wasn't her. Soooo egomaniacal, she was just sooo sure she was the winner. I love this.
Oh boy, and today's spin is good too. Apparently, Faith was just joking. Just joking? Please! We've seen the video, does she really expect us to believe that was a joke? What gives her away is that she holds her arms up in victory before it dawns on her that her name was not called, and the look of recognition which crosses her face. That was no joke, that was her genuine reaction. It was so beautifully genuine, it's an insult for her to claim it as a joke.
"The country music superstar says she was just joking when cameras showed her screaming 'WHAT?' in apparent anger when she lost the female vocalist of the year award to newcomer Carrie Underwood"
Last week brought two new televised magic specials. One from David Blaine and one from Keith Barry.
The Blaine show was pretty lame. His act is tired, and his big stunts are meaningless. He doesn't even bother to pretend he's doing it to save baby seals or some shit. Instead of holding his breath for 7 minutes, I'd prefer he hold it for 30 minutes ... you know, set up the illusion and make it look impossible, chain him down, have cameras circling the snow globe to prove he's not getting air, whatever. Some fool holding his breath to break a record is just lame. When Houdini did his stunt tricks they had meaning ... he represented victims of WWI and oppression and freed himself from his shackles. He brought meaning and hope to people. Nowadays, it's just, I'll do it because I can make a lot of money doing it. Magic is so much better when there's a reason behind it or a statement being made.
Remember when Copperfield made the statue of liberty disappear? I'd love to see him reverse that trick, and make the twin towers re-appear! He could have a whole show about how freedom never dies, about the strength of the American spirit, and then make the towers appear to have returned. Imagine the emotion ... the people crying ... that would be great TV! Then he would make them re-disappear and say something about how buildings are not a representation of freedom, they're just material, and we don't need them to value our country, blah blah blah ... It could be a very respectful show, very patriotic ... and very controversial. Biggest magic special of all time!
Or not.
The Keith Barry special was just okay. I'm no magician but I can tell you how he did many of his tricks. If you're not bringing something new, why bother bringing it at all? My favorite trick involved a Rubik's cube. He held one behind his back while a spectator holds one behind his own back. They both turn the cube for a while and then reveal them and they are mixed up exactly the same on all sides. To be fair, I can think of at least two ways this trick can be done (1. the spectator is in on it, 2. there's a third guy who watches the spectator turn his cube, turns a third cube to match it, and gets it to the magician), but I'd like to think dude is more creative than that.
I may be the only person on the planet who watched Arrested Development and is glad it is being canceled. It's just not that good. It's not that funny, not that clever, not that entertaining. At first I thought it was me. I kept hearing how great it was, how underappreciated and brilliant, and if only more people would watch it, it could be saved. I gave it a fair shot. I watched a season and a half worth of episodes. It never won me over. Good riddance!
If you're interested in truly good shows, you should be watching Everybody Hates Chris and My Name is Earl. These are programs with great casts, great writing, solid premises and high entertainment value.
Last night on NBC's Hit Me Baby, One More Time, Vanilla Ice took the stage and, for the first time in history, actually did wax a few chumps like candles. Vanilla (or "Vaniller", as the host insisted on pronouncing it) won last night's episode and sent some cash to the Make a Wish Foundation as his prize. He beat out the likes of Tommy Tutone and Haddaway, who were so pathetic Vanilla probably could have won by default. However, he orchestrated a rousing rendition of his classic Ice Ice Baby and deserved the win.
In other news, HBO's new series The Comeback, starring Lisa Kudrow, sucks mongoose balls. It was torture to watch, and I immediately graded it 3 red thumbs down on TiVo.
All right, stop
Collaborate and listen
Ice is back, with a brand new invention
Something, grabs a hold of me tightly
Flows like a heartbeat, daily and nightly
Will it ever stop?
Yo, I don't know
Pick up the mic, and I flow
To the extreme, I rock the mic like a vandal
Light up the stage, waxing chumps like a candle
If you have any interest in the business of advertising or marketing, check out this interesting read from The New Yorker.
It chronicles the creation of the Aflac duck, explains why "you deserve a break today" was so successful for McDonalds, and examines the current state of advertising vs. it's traditional methods.
Dateline NBC aired an undercover hidden camera segment the other night on the topic of fast food restaurants. (Who doesn't love this brand of investigative journalism, by the way?) All the restaurant filth you could hope for, captured on film! My favorites are when they send a rookie intern to actually work undercover for a week to capture all the damning evidence.
Anyway ... this latest segment featured a dude who apparently swallowed a hairpin while eating his "breakfast sandwich meal." That is one gluttonous motherfucker. Hairpins are like 2 inches long, how do you not notice when you gulp a 2 inch piece of metal? Did he swallow his sandwich whole like a forest ogre?
He said he felt heartburn and pain about 20 minutes after eating it. Well ... yeah. Chew your fucking food, fat boy!
When I was a kid, I read books about the Berenstein Bears. Some time in the last 20 years, they were changed to the Berenstain Bears. Stein, Stain. What, bears can't be Jewish?
And tonight, ABC ran the Charlie Brown Valentine special. Not "Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown", from 1975 which we all watched for years, but "A Charlie Brown Valentine" from 2002. What the hell was wrong with the original? All the voice work is WAY wrong in the 2002 version. They barely sound like the same characters from all those great 1970s cartoons, Lucy in particular sounds nothing like she should.
So what's with all the changes? I can understand changes if something became offensive as time passed, but c'mon ... BerenSTAIN Bears? What the fuck.
Two weeks into the season and I'm ready to predict the winner. I'd like to point out that I have successfully predicted the winner of Seasons 1 & 2, as well as the winner of the last 2 Survivors, and both teams in this year's Superbowl (Philly and New England). I have a track record that makes the following prediction worth paying attention to.
The winner will be John.
I don't know if that's saying very much, though. None of the contestants this year would have won in season one or two.
And rumor has it that this might be Trump's last season of the show. As soon as he's not on the show, I stop watching. The other networks have already proven that the formula doesn't work with just anybody (Mark Cuban & Richard Branson, anyone?).
Conan O'Brien will succeed Jay Leno as host of NBC's 'Tonight Show'. This is great news. I'm a big fan of O'Brien's show. Hopefully Frankenstein will make the crossover to waste many minutes of our time at an earlier hour. Conan O'Brien's promotion
You've been scouring the information superhighway for techno tracks featuring Star Trek characters, right? Well, search no more! Get yout Star Trek shmoove on.
