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Feature Worst television commercial of 2003
Coors Light "Wingman" is moronic.
April 29, 2003

The Coors Light "Wingman" commercial might be the dumbest commercial ever.  It shows a couple of jackasses at a bar trying to pick up chicks.  One of them scores and is dancing with so-called "hottie", while the other guy (the "wingman") is forced to sit and talk with her less desirable friend because that's his "duty" as the wingman.  Guess what, Coors Brewing Company, nobody does that shit.  It's a myth, an urban legend.  And anybody who DOES do it is an idiot.

What kind of asshole forces his friend to chat up some skank while he "lives the dream", as the jingle puts it?  (That jingle, by the way, is to TV commercials what Emo Phillips is to comedy: stupid and retarded.)  And what sort of low-self-esteem moron lets his friends treat him like that?  If my friend ever pulled that crap on me, he'd get a flying ninja foot to his lip.  How do you feel now, with a busted and bloody mouth?  Now that I've beat you down, she's not nearly as interested, is she?

What message is this commercial sending to America's youth?  That the end-all goal is to land a hot chick at a bar for a night?  Is that the ultimate accomplishment in society now?  Unfortunately, it just might be.  So be sure to bring along your dimwitted friends to run interference for you.

On the other hand, Miller Lite has a commercial named "Catfight" which shows two big-breasted chicks fighting over the eternal "tastes great, less filling" debate.  They end up ripping each other's clothes off and getting drenched in a fountain.  This, my friends, is a damn fine television ad.  I only wish they hadn't pussied out at the end when they make it seem like it's not a real commercial, just a fantasy commercial that 2 guys are dreaming up.  As you can imagine, the ad provoked outrage from women who say it's degrading, blah blah blah.  That's ridiculous of course, and those bitches need to shut the hell up.

Miller's response to the negative reaction was to make a lame-ass commercial that is similar, but has 2 guys ripping their clothes off.  This commercial licks balls.  It's too bad Miller Brewing Company doesn't have the sack to say "we like huge boobs in our commercials, it sells beer, so deal with it."  That's what MY beer company would say.

By the way, Coors Light and Miller Lite both taste like foul sewer water based beverages.

- crocoPuffs


Reader Response

Date: 8/14/2003
From: d1h2h3
Subject: read this k

listen fagot the coors light wingman commercial is the best commercial of 2003. The reason u and ur buddies didn't like it is because u fagots are to gay to even get chicks!!!!!! so quit talking shit!!!!!!!!

Well said.  Why bother forming an argument when you can just name call.


Date: 9/22/2003
From: cciabattone
Subject: N/A

yo my buddy and i use the wingman commerical... and its great man just leave it alone... it did its job to make us think about the commerical and remember coors... so whats the problem??

You're the problem.  I can tell from your exceptional writing skills that you are exactly the kind of "asshole" and/or "low-self-esteem moron" I was referring to above.


Date: 7/27/2004
From: Alinah542
Subject: (no subject)

Do you want commercials to just be minute long pornos that say "drink miller" at the end? Post your own commercials if you think you can do better.

bryan

Hey, thanks for the suggestion, Sir Helpalot.  But in case you didn't notice, I'm a writer, not a marketing executive.  I have no need to "post my own commercials".  Look, I can't throw a football worth a damn, but that doesn't mean I don't recognize a shit-ass quarterback when I see one.

On the other hand ... minute long pornos?  Hmmm, you might have something there.  Maybe YOU should get into marketing.  Wait, scratch that idea.  I momentarily forgot you're an idiot.
 

     
 
 
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