The Ultimate Top 10 Great Games

1. Super Mario 64
2. Half-life
3. Punch-Out
4. Dragon's Lair
5. Tetris
6. Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
7. Knights of the Old Republic
8. Advance Wars
9. Super Mario Bros.
10. Grand Theft Auto: Vice City

These are the games that are widely considered to be good (or great) games, but that actually suck ass.  I know you will try to argue that these games are good, but they're not.  And if you think they are, then you suck ass too.

• Myst is guaranteed to engage you in an otherworldly, puzzle-solving, unforgettable experience.  Just kidding.  It's a steaming pile of software that's guaranteed to put you to sleep, is what it is.  Seriously, this game is boring.  I had to force myself to play more than ten minutes of it.
   
• All "sim" type games are lame: Sim City, The Sims, Roller Coaster Tycoon, flight simulators, etc., they all blow, and only losers play them.  Instead of simulating everything on your computer, how about getting out there and living it?  When I think video games, I always think, "hey, how about a game where I get to micro manage people/money/products/budgets/bullshit in a meaningless and time-consuming fashion."
   
• Street Fighter II is the shittiest of all fighting games.  Multiple button combos are for entering cheat codes, not executing moves during play.  I was always astonished by the lines in the arcade to play this game.  I'd wander over to the nearest Mortal Kombat machine and play a GOOD fighting game.
   
• Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask.  This game was great when it was called Ocarina of Time, but this version is much more annoying because of the 3-day time constraint that forces you to repeat the same crappy tasks over again all the time.  And the whole mask-themed thing is pretty weak.
   

• Any game on PS2 is weak.  GTA3 (as mentioned previously), Gran Turismo 3: A-Spec, Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 or 4, Madden 2003 or 2004 - everything is a fucking sequel, or a proven formula.  There's very little originality on this console, it bored me, I stopped playing it after 3 months and then sold it to buy an XBOX.
   
• Super Mario Sunshine is okay, I guess, but not as great as many reviews made it out to be.  I could have lived without the stupid FLUDD pack, the gameplay was not broken in Mario 64, so why did Nintendo feel the need to "fix" it?  They did succeed in breaking the camera, though.  Nice job.  My main issue with this game is the level design.  To be fair to the player, platform games should make it apparent (apparent, not obvious) what needs to be done, and then make the difficulty in achieving the task.  The difficulty should not involve figuring out what to do next.
   
• Air Hockey is a stupid game because it's not even a video game at all.  Anybody who is good at this game spends too much time getting drunk and playing in a cover band, I'll bet.
   
• As a rule (and there are always exceptions to a rule), all games based on movie franchises or comic books stink like a cow pasture.  Has there ever been a decent Superman game?  And what about that E.T. game for the Atari 2600?  Or the recent Matrix game?  Need I mention the plethora of failed TMNT, James Bond, Simpsons, X-Men, and Star Trek games?  This is a very long list of shit-eating games.
   

• Any game for an Apple (or Mac), or Intellivision should not even be considered a real video game.  Since nobody plays them, why waste time making them.  For starters, Intellivision had the lamest controller ever devised.  Who thought that silver disc thingy was a good idea?  And Apples/Macs, well, those aren't real computers anyway, so let's leave them out of the discussion.
   
• And finally, Final Fantasy, Everquest, and their ilk, are games for nerds.  If you want to be an official nerd, play Advanced D&D and Everquest, you'll be welcomed into the nerding community with open arms.
   

Honorable Mention Games

More games that rule, but don't rule quite enough to make it into the great games list.

• Arcade:

• Galaga, for blasting bugs out of space, few things beat it.
• Gauntlet, kick-ass dungeon exploring game.

• Ms. Pac-Man, dot-munching, ghost-fleeing madness.
• Track & Field, for button smashing fun.
• Tron, for futuristic tanks, cycles, and spiders, cool game.
• Star Wars, fight tie-fighters and blow up the death star, sweet!
• Tempest: spinning, shoot 'em up action.
• Missile Command, my father's favorite.
• Pit Fighter, WAY more fun than Street Fighter II.
• 1942, or is it 1943?  I dunno, but flying around and shooting up WWII planes was never more fun.
• Spy Hunter, undeniably classic driving game.
• Super Sprint, classic driving game number two, spinning those steering wheels like mad, a very fun game!
   
• Consoles/Handhelds

• Atari: Combat, Kaboom!, and Boxing.  Man, Atari was so cool back then!
   
• ColecoVision: Donkey Kong Jr., vine-climbing madness, Donkey Kong is in distress, Jr. must save him from the evil Mario!  Smurf (don't laugh, it was fun when I was a kid).  Mouse Trap, I can still hear the sounds of the dog bark and cat meow in my head, fantastic sounds.
   
• NES: Contra, Blades of Steel, and Double Dribble (or "rubble ribble", as the in-game voice pronounced it).
   
• Genesis: Sonic the Hedgehog.  NHL Hockey, pick your favorite year, any of the 1992-1994 editions were great.
   
• PS1: Spider-Man, before the movie tie-in game, this spider-man was the first to get it right.
   

• N64: WWF Wrestlemania 2000, I have a weak spot for wrestling, so cheesy it's good.
   
• XBOX: Halo, Dead or Alive 3, Splinter Cell, The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay, KotOR II.
   
• GBA: Wario Ware, Inc, frenetic; can pick up and play for 5 minutes or 5 hours.  The most easily digestible game since Tetris
   
• Computers

• C64: Winter Games, California Games, Defender of the Crown, Rolling Thunder, and Skate or Die! were all hella sweet, dude!
   
• PC: Star Trek: Elite Force was well done and fun to play, Max Payne has an excellent beginning, the way the story is set up in your home is nice and creepy.  Half-life 2 is almost as kick-ass as the original.