Top 10s


Feature Get rich quick
Infomercials.  Do people really buy that crap?
November 20, 2003
It must be true that there's a sucker born every minute.  Otherwise, I wouldn't see so many television ads and infomercials advertising all these great new ways to "be your own boss," or "never work again," or "make money risk-free."

One of the more hilarious ones is a package you can buy that sets you up with an e-commerce website.  You choose the products you want to sell, design your site, and start counting the cash!!  I guarantee that the only people making money on this deal are the ones selling you the package.  The products they have to offer appear to be third rate, but that's just the tip of the iceberg.  Wait until they spring the monthly hosting charges, merchant account charges, and other "upgrade" fees on you, which add up to way more than the advertised price of the package (by the way, this particular infomercial does not air anymore due to a court order, and judgement that it was misleading and contained false statements).  I have no sympathy for people who get burned by this shit, you've got to be smarter than that.  If there was any money to be made selling those products, don't you think they would be selling them themselves instead of offering them to suckers like you?

Which brings me to my favorite new way to get rich.  Internet kiosks.  These are the machines you might see in an airport or shopping mall; they look like an ATM and provide internet access for so many cents per minute.  Again, if there's so much money to be made through these kiosks, why are they advertising them on television instead of collecting all the dough themselves?  The answer is obvious.  The money is in selling/renting the machines to suckers, not in collecting the revenue the machine actually generates.  The ad for these machines is classic, I love in the commercial how they show hot-looking women approach the kiosk, look it over lovingly, and gently insert their money into the machine.  Wow!  If I owned one of those machines I could totally hook up!  I bet women throw their panties at those machines as if they are rock stars!  For the kiosks that offer wireless connections, the ad shows bikini clad babes sitting poolside while some guy is typing away on his laptop.  Based on the ad, I can only assume that those chicks are there BECAUSE OF the internet kiosk.  I mean, why else would they be sitting around in bikinis?

The sad part is, I know people are buying into this crap, because the ads continue to air.  If there were no sales, they wouldn't be advertising.  Same logic as telemarketers: nobody likes them, but they keep calling because they get enough results to continue doing so.  Your money is better spent on lottery tickets.

One more item that deserves mention - because I loved watching the infomercial - is not a get rich quick offer, it's just a product for sale.  This particular product is called JawDroppers, basically it's a bunch of magic tricks that are designed to be used in everyday situations.  Want to liven up the weekly staff meeting?  Pull a rabbit out of the CEO's ass!  I have nothing against this product, it just cracks me up that people buy it thinking they'll be able to: pick up chicks/be more popular/get a better job/whatever.

Anyway, try not to be suckered by these schemes.  I know it's difficult for you, because you're too lazy to actually work hard and earn your living.  But stay away from Pyramid organizations, email chains, get rich quick adverts, and the like.  Ah hell, this is falling on deaf ears.  I know that if you're reading this, you've got nothing better to do anyway.

- crocoPuffs


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