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Feature Graduation present?  I'll take two
Latest trend in graduation presents: boob jobs.
June 20, 2004
It's June, which means it's time for high school graduations.  Which means graduation parties.  Which means graduation presents.  Which means new boobs for Jenny and Amy.  Thanks Mom and Dad!

No longer content with vacations to Europe, the families with too much money on their hands are now granting their daughters' requests to have breast implant surgery.  Seems like a good idea to me.  There can never be too many big jugged teenagers bouncing around this country as far as I'm concerned.  According to this report, the number of 18-year-olds getting breast implants tripled in one year.

I sure wish this had been the trend when I was departing high school.  Not only would all the college freshman birds have had huge racks, but I could have asked for my own special graduation present: penis implant.  Hell yeah!  College would have been a veritable pornographic film convention!  Alas, 'twas not to be.  If my daughter asks me for larger breasts as a gift when she's a teenager, she can take a jump in the lake.  She needs to be at least 20 for that.

Far be it from me to discourage women from getting breast enlargements, but teenagers are different.  Teenagers can't think straight as it is, they can't even dress themselves properly -- there's no way they have the capacity to understand what they're asking for.  This poor girl is full of hypocrisy.  She claims to want huge tits because it will increase her confidence.  Then she goes on to state that she is confident.  Which is it?  Are you already confident, or do you need new balloons to become confident?  The fact that you mentioned confidence twice in one message signals that you have no confidence whatsoever.  You protest too much.  Listen, if you're not confident enough without them, you'll never be confident enough with them.  Why don't you fully mature (physically and emotionally), work on your self-esteem, focus on what you are good at instead of what you don't like about yourself, then maybe, down the road, perhaps, if you still feel the same way, go ahead and get that gargantuan rack to boost your confidence (by that time, if you still think you need it, you'll be a lost cause anyway).

Who are these parents that are paying for this?  To continue on a theme ... if their sons came to them and asked for penile implants, would they pay for those too?  Damn, I hope not.  Can't they see how ridiculous that is?  Well, apparently they can't.  Clowns.

My favorite quote from this article is, "they regard it as having your hair done or getting a new watch."  How great is that?  I can just picture these chicks: calling each other on their cell phones, shopping at the mall, getting their legs waxed, getting their melons filled with saline, going out to lunch, giggling about boys ... all in a day's work for the modern teenage girl.

- crocoPuffs


Update (August 1, 2004)

Little did I know, the military also thinks free boob jobs are a good idea.  I'm not sure which is dumber.  The parents or the military?

- crocoPuffs

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