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Feature The Ginger/Mary Ann conundrum
Do not choose, and don't get divorced.
July 24, 2005
It's the age-old question (well, 40 years old, anyway).  For guys it's, "Do you prefer Ginger or Mary Ann?"  For chicks it's, "Are you a Ginger or a Mary Ann?"  And I'm telling you right now, there is no correct answer, do not attempt to answer it, all the answers are wrong.  When choosing between Ginger and Mary Ann, there are no winners.

If a guy says he prefers Ginger, he's shallow.  He's the guy who only cares about outer beauty, who values large breasts over large brains.  And if he prefers Mary Ann, he's a pussy.  He's the guy who doesn't have the balls to step up to the pretty girl and ask her out, who spends Friday nights at home writing pathetic articles to post on his website.  This whole Ginger/Mary Ann thing is a trick, a cleverly constructed ruse, put forth upon the unsuspecting public by the crazed evil genius Sherwood Schwartz.  Fellas, if someone asks you the question, avoid answering it at all costs, your sanity and self-image depend on it.  Run away if you must.

Now, go tell your woman she's a Mary Ann and watch her reaction.  Ten bucks says she'll turn defiant, then argue she's as glamorous as any Ginger you've ever seen, thank you very much.  Calling her a Mary Ann is an insult, you see.  It implies a 1950s way of thinking.  And it implicates you as someone who looks at women as housewives.  Every woman wants to be a Ginger, and every man wants a Mary Ann.  Therein lies the disconnect.  When a nation of Mary Ann seekers finds nothing but wannabe Gingers, well ... there's gonna be trouble.

There are exceptions, of course, like the men who truly do want a Ginger.  Their problem is, once they catch their Ginger, there's always a younger, fresher, more Ginger-like version coming around the corner to tempt them, and they are weak, so they give in and the country has a 40% divorce rate.  And there are plenty of Gingers who get tired of their man, thinking they "deserve" something better.  The sense of entitlement of you Gingers is staggering.

Speaking of the divorce rate which I quoted at 40% ... I know its popular for folks to bandy about 50% as America's divorce rate, but the truth is it's closer to 40% and declining every year.  And it's even lower for people in their first marriage.  So why is 50% still quoted as often as it is?

First, ignorance.  People honestly don't know the actual stats, and don't really care, and 50% is a nice round number, easy to throw out there at a moment's notice.

Mostly, people love the higher number because they use it as a crutch.  Single people cite it as a defense for being single, and divorced losers cite it as a defense for being divorced.  Sadly, it's just another way for people to avoid taking personal responsibility for their lives.  You got divorced because you couldn't manage a relationship, not because of a national divorce rate that left you helpless to fight off the divorce.  So sack up, bitches!  And if you're single, fine, be single.  But don't say you're purposely avoiding marriage because you feel it would be destined to end in divorce.  That's just spineless.  You know damn well what your faults are, and why you can't settle on one woman.  Take some fucking responsibility for yourself, would you please?!

I will never get divorced because crocoWife (pictured at right) and I are flawless.  I am perfect, she is perfect, we are perfect (shut up, you don't know).  She is Ginger AND Mary Ann!  And I'm ... well, I'm the greatest living person on the planet.


- crocoPuffs


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