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Feature In Flight Movie
Stupid shit on airplanes.
May 13, 2004
So I'm on an airplane, waiting for it to take off, when the video comes on instructing the passengers how to exit the plane in case of an emergency.  This video also shows you what to expect in the case of a change in cabin pressure -- the little oxygen masks pop out of the ceiling and you are to place one over your mouth and nose, helping your child with his after you've finished with your own.

First off, why do they need a video for this?  Why can't the stewardesses (1) demonstrate this stuff to the passengers like they used to?  Are they too busy?  Is it too difficult for them to remember how to use the seat cushion as a flotation device?  Considering they can't remember I wanted orange juice, not cranberry, I can see why the airlines have taken this difficult task out of their hands.  But never mind that.  Personally, I think they're spending too much time peeking at my crotch, pretending to do a "seat belt check".

What took me by surprise was this: in the video when the masks dropped from the ceiling, the people were smiling and calmly placing the masks over their faces.  Are you reading me?  They were smiling!  When you take into account that "change in cabin pressure" translates to "there's a fucking hole in the plane", I doubt anybody will be smiling when the masks drop.  I don't know about you, but I will not be smiling when half my plane is missing and it's time to breathe through a cheap plastic cup.

Which reminds me ... I once experienced really bad turbulence on a flight.  So bad that some passengers were getting physically sick, and others were crying.  One woman sitting near me was sobbing hard, clearly thinking the plane was going down.  Stupid woman, I laughed in her face.  Airplanes don't just fall out of the sky.  Have you ever heard of a plane crashing due to turbulence (not turbulence caused by severe weather, and not turbulence caused by the wake of another airplane)?  I haven't.  It doesn't happen.  Flying is science, not magic.  Harry Potter didn't cast a spell on the plane to make it rise into the air.  Again, planes do not just drop out of the sky.  Get a fucking grip on yourself before you start crying like a punk.

1 That's right, I call them stewardesses.  Flight attendants, my ass.

- crocoPuffs

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