I love how people don't ever want to be judged.  "Stop judging me, you don't even know me!", they'll say.  We're not supposed to judge or assume things about other people based on pieces of evidence.  Well, guess what motherfuckers, I'm here to judge you, each of you.  And all of you should be judging each other as well.

All these people who don't want to be judged and who don't want me judging other people are fucking hypocrites.  The truth of the matter is that they don't want to be judged if that judgment shows them in a bad light, but they're more than happy to be judged as long as the judgment shows them in a good light.

I don't know why there is such a negative connotation to the word "judge".  If someone accuses you of being judgmental they're accusing you of being close-minded, or jumping to conclusions, or classifying people using stereotypes.  This could not be farther from the truth.  When I judge something, I take in all the information I know of the subject, then form my opinion.  This is what judgment is all about, forming an opinion.  And this is why people who claim they don't want to be judged are full of shit.

For example, let's say I see an able-bodied woman stepping out of her Mercedes, parked in a handicap spot, wearing a huge fur coat and a 5 carat diamond on her finger, it's clear she's trying to impress somebody.  She wants to be judged, no, she's pleading to be judged, for people to form the opinion that she must be rich and successful.  And if I walked up to her and said, "I've formed an opinion about you.  You appear to be a rich and successful person, important to society," she would probably be pleased to hear it.  You see what I'm getting at?  She WANTS to be judged as long as the outcome of that judgment is positive and in-line with her self-image.  However, if I went through the same judgment process and determined that she is arrogant and frivolous and contributes nothing to society, and then told her so, she would get all offended.  Now, which judgment would actually be more beneficial for her to hear?  She already thinks she's an all-important bitch, so feeding into that isn't very helpful.  What IS helpful, is offering a critique so she can improve herself.

This is not unique to this hypothetical woman.  People don't mind being judged as long as your judgment supports the image they already have of themselves.  The second you offer a differing opinion, people start getting pissed and telling you to walk a mile in their shoes.  This is fucking ludicrous.  What we should be doing is judging everyone around us non-stop.  There is this anonymity that floats through society, making nobody feel responsible for their actions, acting like they can do whatever they want, free of judgment.

In very small towns where "everyone knows everyone", people don't do as many stupid things because they know the whole town will find out about it.  There's nowhere that person can go where somebody doesn't know what they did.  The bigger the town, the less this is true.  And in large cities, you can pretty much do anything you want because you are anonymous, nobody knows who you are anywhere.  This is why we need to start judging strangers around us on a regular basis.  Don't assume that somebody's idiotic behavior is none of your business.  Make it your business, help improve all our lives.

So, go ahead and assume that I will be judging you based on your behavior, appearance, speech, whatever.  If you speak poorly, punctuated with a lot of mumbling and slang, I'm going to form the opinion that you are uneducated.  If you wear clothes that are revealing or attention drawing, I'm going to form the opinion that you want me to look at you (more on this in a forthcoming column).  If I hear you lying, I'm going to form the opinion that you are a person I cannot trust.  If I see you in the back of a police car with handcuffs on, I'm going to form the opinion that you are a criminal.  And if you are in any way acting like an idiot, I'm going to form the opinion that you are, in fact, an idiot.

On the other hand, not all judgments are negative.  if you are informed and speak well, I'm going to form the opinion that you are intelligent.  If you wear normal, age-appropriate clothing (more on this in a forthcoming column), I'm going to form the opinion that you are a person who understands the function and purpose of clothing.  If I hear you telling the truth, I'm going to form the opinion that you are a person I can trust.  And if you are acting like a reasonable person, I'm going to form the opinion that you are not, in fact, an idiot.