I am a former member of the "delete all spam" club, but out of curiosity I recently began reading all that junk email.  Boy, am I glad I did!  My life is changing in ways I could have only dreamt about!

From now on, crocoPuffs is going to pleasure his partner better than ever, stay rock hard longer, and impress his girl with cumshots that rival a porn star's!  Which is great because crocoWife has been asking him for years to shoot bigger, more impressive loads.

I'll be mackin' in my new $750,000 home, courtesy of a loan from ... well, from my choice of lenders actually.  Apparently, hundreds of banks have been competing over little ol' me!  How they knew I needed a loan, I have no idea, but they've all been fighting ruthlessly to obtain MY business!  Scoring busloads of cash is no obstacle for the new crocoPuffs!

Acquiring a new job of my choice won't be a problem either, now that I have an "accreddited univerrsty D'ploma."  But I'm not bothering to get a job just yet, first I'm going to work as a product tester.  They let you keep the products after you test them!  PSP, PS3, iPod 100GB, cell phones, laptops, my house will be a cornucopia of technological wizardry, all at no cost to me!

More importantly, I will stop overpaying for my meds, and use the same online pharmacy that Paris Hilton uses!  Speaking of Paris Hilton, she must be a majority shareholder in Internet stock, because she's everywhere!  And I know this online pharmacy is legit because they warned me not to be fooled by other fraudulent online pharmacies selling counterfeit pills.  Did I mention that Paris Hilton orders from this pharmacy?  It's true!  I read it in an email!

In other news, I'm going to be taller by as much as 2 inches, I'm never going bald, and my penis will be the size of a mountain!

A lonely housewife in my neighborhood who loves big black cock recently contacted me to invite me over while her husband is away.  Now that's what I call an offer I can't refuse!  I hope she's not too disappointed by my average white cock (my enlargement pills haven't arrived yet).  Presumably she'll be finished stuffing that 24-inch horse cock into her snatch that she wrote me about.

Here comes the topper ... I now have contacts with the two most important people on the planet.  One of them has the secret to eternal youth (and offers a sweet discount on Rolexes), and the other has promised to share half of her family's multi-million dollar fortune with me.  One quick plane trip to South Africa, a transfer of funds to my account, and I'll be wiping my ass with hundred dollar bills, bitch!

The new crocoPuffs will rule the world!  Wait, the old crocoPuffs already rules the world, so I guess technically the new crocoPuffs will rule ... the galaxy!

P.S. I almost forgot.  I've been helping Bill Gates and Microsoft test a new email tracking program.  I'm expecting a windfall of cash any day now!  As soon as that money hits my account (I provided the routing numbers to Bill Gates, himself!) I'll know exactly which stocks to invest in, because my inbox is full of the hottest stock tips!

- crocoPuffs