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Feature Things that are pissing me off, vol. 3
Barney, Oprah, and funny commercials.
November 23, 2004
There is no shortage of idiocy in the world, which is good for me because I enjoy pointing it out.  Here's a fresh batch of foolishness.

Barney

This children's show is stupid.  Not only stupid, it sends the wrong messages to kids.  The other day Barney was trying to cajole some kids on the show to try some new things.  His words of wisdom were, "When you try something new, it makes you feel GREAT inside!"

Out and out bullshit!  Very often when a child tries something new it can be frustrating for the child.  To tell a child that those feelings of frustration are "great!" is wrong.  Kids need a more practical approach to learning, not a false sense of security with an "everything is always terrific" attitude.

That's not the first fucked up thing I've seen on that show, but it is the last.  Barney has been banned from appearing in my house in any form.

Oprah's favorite things

Oprah aired her annual "favorite things" episode this week.  This is the episode when Oprah shows off all the crap she likes to buy and gives one of everything to everybody in the audience.  I don't know if I've ever seen a more sickening display of greed in my life.  The audience members jump up and down, clap their hands, shout, scream, cry and weep as each new item is gifted.  The more expensive the item, the louder the cheers.

Plasma TVs, laptop computers, clothes, handbags, watches, gift certificates, vacations, you name it, Oprah's got it.  The reason it is such an ugly display of greed is because all these items fall under the "want" category, not the "need" category (with the exception of the Office Max gift certificates given to teachers for purchasing school supplies).  Why are they so fucking greedy!?

Furthermore, I feel like these women (I say women because I only saw two men in the audience) are allowing themselves to be used.  Used in a huge hourlong commercial.  I'm sure Dell Computers is thrilled to be perceived as producing products so awesome that women cry when presented with them as gifts.  I can't imagine a more attractive marketing strategy through the eyes of a money-hungry executive.  It's perfect.  Disguised as a goodwill gesture by Oprah, it's really just a collection of advertisements with Oprah as the spokesperson.  Oprah's favorite things, my ass.  I guarantee if she has a plasma screen TV it is not made by Dell.

Saturday Night Live did a sketch last year mocking the favorite things episode.  They showed women going insane, fighting each other, crying hysterically, their heads exploding.  I thought it was just a spoof, turned out to be a dramatic recreation of true events.

More television commercials

Sometimes I'll see a commercial that is clever, and that pisses me off.  Because it reminds me how many other shitty commercials I have to sit through to see the one good one.  Today I saw two commercials that I liked.

First was a new Bud Light ad that mocks the Miller Lite ads.  Miller currently runs a series of commercials showing NFL referees crashing into regular environments to take away the Budweiser and give people Miller.  The new Budweiser ad portrays the refs as switching all that Miller for the Bud because they really want it for themselves.  Very clever, I like that.  I like the idea of commercials kind of battling each other.

The other one I liked was for Staples.  It showed a grandma snapping a photograph of her family next to the Christmas tree.  Grandma clicks to take the picture, but she's holding a stapler, not a camera.  Heh, kind of gave me a chuckle.

- crocoPuffs

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