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Feature Worst television commercial of 2005
Pizza-eating Muppets.
February 16, 2005
I can always count on the Super Bowl to provide the worst commercial of the year and this year is not the exception.  On occasion it can even provide a few quality commercials as well.  The Super Bowl is always an entertainment extravaganza!

Worst Commercial

I'd already noticed that the Pizza Hut/Muppets marriage just ain't working, but this commercial is the last proverbial straw.  Not only is the ad stupid, the product is equally stupid.  Pizza Hut is shilling some crazy breed of pizza accompanied by dipping sauce.  The pizza is sliced into strips and you're supposed to dip it into your choice of sauce (ranch, marinara, or garlic).  Because when you think pizza, you think ... dipping sauce?  Morons.

Apparently these amazing pizza strips are intelligent too.  In the ad, Ms. Piggy isn't sure she wants to dip her pizza (wise pig, considering nobody in the history of cuisine has ever dipped a slice of pizza into ranch dressing), so she hesitates.  The pizza starts wiggling around in her hand, and then takes flight like a jet pack, whipping Ms. Piggy around the room because it NEEDS to get dipped, you see.  I'm wondering why the pizza needs to fly around the room to get dipped when the dipping sauce is on the table right next to Ms. Piggy's hand.  Stupid moronic product.  Stupid moronic commercial.  Nice try, rookies!

Worst Commercial: Runner-up

Budweiser purchased the most Super Bowl airtime by far.  They offered a number of decent commercials along with one absolute stinker.  I'm referring to the talking bird in the bar who "scares" off would-be suitors of a lovely lady sitting at the bar by using an "Al Pacino as Scarface," tough-guy voice.  Utterly ridiculous.

Best Commercial

It was easy to choose the best commercial of this year's Super Bowl.  And if you're a reader of this site you probably already know which one it is (assuming the pictures didn't tip you off, brainiac).  GoDaddy.com whipped together a nice little ditty featuring a pair of wonderful breasts and a faulty tank top strap.  The Janet Jackson reference I'm not interested in, mostly just the jugs.

Any time there's a killer ad featuring some sweet sweater meat, fools be trippin'.  "It was a cheap joke," said Cal McAllister, a founder of Seattle-based ad agency Wexley School for Girls. "You don't need to go to the lowest common denominator to get your name out there."  True, you don't NEED to, but sometimes you WANT to.  Sex sells, everyone knows it, and GoDaddy never had this much attention before.  Good for them, that's money well spent.

But wait ... there's more!  GoDaddy.com purchased two spots.  One to air in the first quarter of the game, and the second to air in the fourth quarter.  After NFL officials watched the commercial in the first quarter, they pressured FOX to not run it during the fourth quarter.  This is the same NFL that plays up it's own cheerleaders, right?  But they give the thumbs down to a busty woman in a T-shirt?  Goddamn hypocrites!  (read about it here.)

Give the other fellow hell

Due to last year's boob exposure incident, the folks involved with the Super Bowl looked to play it safe this year, so they hired Paul McCartney to perform the half-time show.  That's safe all right.  They should have hired Barry Manilow and Neil Diamond while they were at it.  If so, they would have needed to keep an eye on Neil Diamond, he gets pretty wild.

Much to the satisfaction of FOX and the NFL, the half-time performance was breast-free.  And I have to say I kind of enjoyed it.  Compared to the over-produced, 100 maniacal dancers on stage, "star"-studded, strobe-flashing spectacles of recent years, a show concentrating on a talented musician and his music was a welcome change.  Particularly his rendition of Live and Let Die.  That single song kicked the ass of any Super Bowl half-time show over the last, I dunno, 30 years.

What the fuck was going on with the pre-game entertainment?  Kelly Clarkson sang one of her little pop songs and then tried to pump up the crowd by yelling, "Are you ready for the game!?  I am!"  Oooooh, let me check, yup, now I'm primed and ready.  Yippie.

The Game

New England kicked Philadelphia's sorry ass all over Jacksonville, thanks in part to Donovan McNabb's three interceptions and apparent inability to grasp the concepts of clock management.  e.g. When you are down by ten points with 4 minutes to go, you don't have time to leisurely huddle and call plays.  Then in the final minutes a Philly player caught a pass for no gain, when the clock would have stopped if he had purposely dropped it.  In that situation, you have to know that time on the clock is more valuable than a yard or two.

Adam Vinatieri - the anti-Scott Norwood - was again the difference for the Patriots.  Three Super Bowl wins by 3 points each.  His kicks have provided the margin of victory in each game.  Somebody get that kid an MVP award!

And what was up with FOX's coverage of the game?  They had a pylon cam - a miniature camera hidden in the endzone pylon - and what appeared to be a ball cam.  There was at least one shot of the center's nutsack when the offense was lined up before a play, and the angle indicated the camera was either in the ball, or in somebody's shoe.  Memo to FOX: the Super Bowl is not the time to experiment with unproven technology, nobody is interested in the linemen's junk.

See you next year.

- crocoPuffs

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