We have a strange phenomenon here in California.  Sometimes, when the skies turn dark and clouds block out the sun, a wet substance falls from the sky.  My research has revealed that this substance is called "rain".  It would seem that Californians are not familiar with this so-called rain, as they peer up at the sky through the windows of their cars, wondering which god became angry at them.  They stomp on their brakes when the first drop hits their windshield.  They call the police department when the accompanying "thunder" rumbles in the distance.

That's not a joke.  We've had some inclement weather here the last couple days, and people were actually calling the police to report hearing explosions.  Apparently, that big flash of electricity - known as "lightning" - didn't tip them off that maybe bombs were not being dropped on their neighbors' houses after all.  I can't believe people are this stupid.  It's fucking ridiculous if they don't recognize thunder when they hear it.  And it's not like one person called the cops about it.  Enough people called that it was being reported in the news!  On second thought, I CAN believe people are this stupid.

Maybe thunder is unusual in July, but come on, you HAVE to know what thunder sounds like.  Especially if the skies are full of dark clouds and lightning is flashing all over the place!  Besides, that doesn't explain why Californians are the shittiest drivers in the world when it rains.  They just lose it.  They start driving on freeways at 30 MPH.  Yes, it's wise to slow down in bad weather, but how about slowing down to 50, that would do the trick.

The other extreme is also available for your driving pleasure: the jerk-ass who drives 80 in the rain as if it were a bright shiny day.  It's usually one of those punks who drives a pickup with huge monster-truck tires on it.  Maybe those ridiculously huge tires give you better traction, but you're going to crash into some poor shlub because you're driving like the tasmanian devil.

All I ask for in this world are: good movies to watch, good food and drink, hot chicks to look at, the Saints to win the Superbowl, fun video games to play, the Kings to win the NBA championship, a house to live in, a car to drive, good books to read, vacations on tropical islands, the health and love of my family and friends, and for people to be able to discern when it's raining and thundering outside.