Grade:  C

Director:  Jay Russell		Released:  October 2004
Writer:  Lewis Colick		MPAA Rating:  PG-13
Players:  Joaquin Phoenix, John Travolta, Robert Patrick		Running time:  105 minutes

Ratings System

Can Hollywood make one cop movie, or one fireman movie, where the wife supports the husband and doesn't bitch all the time about "you need to think about your family?!"  Is that possible?  Just one.  Just one god damn movie!?  Is that fucking possible!?  Based on Ladder 49, no, it's not possible.  Here's a tip, Hollywood.  The wife does not need to constantly dread her husband's death to be devastated when he dies.  She can love her family and support her husband without acting like a crying bitch all the time.  I mean, she married a fucking fireman!  What did she expect!?  These movies always make the wives out to be quivering bowls of jello.  It's tired.

I call them firemen, not firefighters.  The term firefighters was only invented to include female firemen.  Why can't the women be called firemen?  Female actors are called actors (because they're not actresses anymore).  And besides, I don't know what it means to fight a fire.  Are these guys donning boxing gloves and going a few rounds with the fire?  Are they executing flying ninja double backflip kicks to the fire?  I don't think so.  How can that be fighting, then?

Anyway ... the movie's fairly decent.  It's Backdraft without a villain.  It's less about fire and more about human drama, heroism, and family.  Some would describe it as a "tearjerker".  Which means this picture is for pussies.  Real men like me don't like this trite bullshit.  There should have been more strippers on that pole and fewer firemen.

- crocoPuffs